Memories flood back

"Never leave me. Lost without you"
Those were his last words before separation happened. How ironical! But yeah, its a fact that his mind changed too soon. Those words had touched me and I had made it a part of me. Accepted it and promised myself to live it till he would decide against it; I knew deep within me that it would be him who would walk away. Then I'd be free to leave him, because he did not want to stay. I knew that such a time would come, just that I did not know that it was only a few hours away. I accepted the things that happened later- the separation, the distance- when I came to know why it had happened. Tried to let loose the attachment I had, told myself I had succeeded. Did not try to find out the truth. I wanted the attachment to fade away. And I thought it had.
But, it hadn't and it wouldn't. I cannot be close to someone for less than a year. I cannot think of 2 ppl in a year. That's the way I am programmed. I realised when I was looking at some photos that I had taken. Was quickly browsing through them.. My eyes fell on a picture of his. A picture I had taken. He seemed tired, sleepy, relaxed, his ever cute self.. but his eyes seemed to be full of passion.. and now they were piercing through me. Couldn't take my eyes off it for a long time. I felt like I was being pulled into another world. Everything came flooding back. Like a tsunami.. drowned me in my past, killed my peace of mind, the emotions resurfaced and I was a wreck. I have been a wreck ever since. A whole day has passed and he's been on my mind all day- pricking me, bringing back into my mind everything that I had tried to forget. Tears rolling down often. A stone in my throat because of the guilt of not being able to forget it all. The emotions only growing stronger than ever. I can't take it. Can't take the distance. Can't take this undying attachment. All the effort I took to accept the distance had been in vain. Now, I'm back to square one, an elevated one this time.
I cannot face him now. Its going to be very awkward. Or, I may just burst into tears. Or behave stupidly.. I might.. I dont know.. I feel weak, like a helpless kitten. I cannot do anything about this. I will live with it, silently, trying once again to supress it all. This time it is not going to be easy at all.